you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
