chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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