I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
