Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
