time to smoke my breakfast
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
