The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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