you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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