he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
