My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
