I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
