ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
