I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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