My first STD was from a foam party
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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