operation harelip BJ is a go
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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