Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
