There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the condom got lost in my hair
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
