you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
