Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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