He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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