so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize