I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
