she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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