Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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