Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
