A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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