look no pants
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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