yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
