i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
