i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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