Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
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I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
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If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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