the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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