I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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