hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
