I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
