Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
