Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
