He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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