i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
