it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Randomize
