Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
