I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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