Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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