if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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