just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
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I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
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You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday