I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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