He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?