I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
we're so committed to being not committed
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
