Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
