She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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