I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
