Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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