Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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