The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
