She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
