put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
