you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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