how can u be prego again
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
