He asked to "fluff my boner.."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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