This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
