btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize