I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
