I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
