Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
