By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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