you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
