Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
