hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
